love, i’ve spent over a week painting this triangle wall. it was wayyyy harder than i thought it would be. painting is always my meditative time. i love brushing on color and just letting my mind wonder. this morning, i remember that today would have been the due date of our first baby. he would have been 16. i’m not positive he was a “he” but gracie always talks about her brother when he comes into the conversation. i like to think she is right.
jerime and i just talked the other day about what it would be like to have a 16 year old. wow. gracie is now 11. and over the past couple of months, i’m watching her mature mentally and emotionally. every thing we are sharing with her is becoming more “adult” rather than “childish”. her humor is changing. the way her mind thinks is changing. she is starting to form her own opinions and theories. and she astonishes us with her free thinking.
i sat yesterday painting and thought of all the things i’d like her to remember as she grows. i’d paint a few triangles and then i’d run up to the computer and type down a few pieces of advice. i came up with quite a list.
My advice for my daughter.
there will be bullies and mean people in your life. remember this. you don’t know their battles. something is making them sad. there is a reason they are angry at the world. it is not YOU. it’s THEM. love them anyway.
never allow people to hurt you repeatedly. it’s okay to give second chances. but believe people more for their actions than for their words. some people you just need to let go. it’s okay. it’s hard. but it’s okay.
concentrate on the friends and family that make you a priority. don’t worry about the ones who aren’t there. they are the ones missing out.
swear words are just words. use them wisely. use them with wit. but never use them disrespectfully.
when something goes wrong, get pissed. cry. yell. but then do what i always tell you to do. get over it. move on. if you continue to dwell on it. it’s your choice. it happened for a reason.
never let a day go by that you don’t listen to music.
when it comes to falling in love. don’t settle. wait for someone who makes you laugh and gives you butterflies. like i did.
raise a little hell. but be safe.
have sleepovers and never sleep.
be a trend setter. never follow the trends. this goes for music also. it doesn’t matter what’s trending. it matters what you like.
put your phone down. listen to people. make eye contact. shake hands when meeting someone new. engage in conversation. your phone will never speak back to you. it will never tell you stories. people are fascinating. be willing to listen.
talking about poop and farts with you will always be funny. always.
no matter where you are in life. always have a pet. your compassion shines when you are loving animals.
life is for adventures and trying new things. push yourself. there is no such thing as failure. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES. you will learn from every triumph and you will also learn from every defeat.
no matter what you do in life. i will always be your biggest fan. your biggest support system. your biggest pillow to cry on. your biggest cheering section. and i’ll always buy you ice cream.
say sorry. don’t hold grudges. be vunerable. life is short.
work hard. and work hard for everything thing you have. earn it. there are no hand outs. if you want it. go get it.
be loyal to your friends and family. don’t let people hurt them.
love your body. it is beautiful.
don’t ever do drugs. don’t even try them once. drugs aren’t what they used to be. you can get hooked right away and it will ruin your life. get addicted to something positive.
There will be moments when you think you hate me. moments you are angry with me. and there will be moments i’m angry at you. that’s alright. we’ll work it out. i promise. and it will make us stronger.
you are amazing. honestly. daddy and i talk about how brilliant you are. and people tell us it’s because we are good parents. but i have to disagree with that. you have been amazing since day one. we do our best to shape you and teach you about life. but i think you are my teacher more than i am yours.
be with people who make you laugh and laugh at your humor. choose friends you can be yourself around.
stand firm in what you believe is right. even if you are standing alone. never compromise your beliefs or values. try to not gossip. i know that’s hard. but don’t engage. talk about what you like in a person when everyone is running them down. i guarantee people will respect you more for that then for tearing them apart. have courage to stand alone.
at night, when you kiss me goodnight and say “i love you mommy.” those words right there are the sweetest words i will ever hear.
i used to be sad about not being able to have more babies. but you are absolutely everything i could ever imagine in a daughter. you are my “timothy greene”. you are my bucket list.
remember one day, when we were at the grocery store and the little sacker boy was shy and trying to talk with us. he couldn’t have been older than 14. he had dark brown hair and dark eyes. and a speech impediment. we walked away after thanking him and you said “mom, he was really cute….i loved his lisp.” i love that about you gracie. i love that you took something that people probably pick on him for and you found it endearing. you found a quirkiness in it. you are such a beautiful soul.
this year we had to tell you there was no santa claus, elf on the shelf, easter bunny or tooth fairy. never in a million years did dad and i think we’d have to break the news to you. but looking back on it. it doesn’t surprise us. that’s your innocence. keep that….keep that forever. so many parents want their children to grow up. pushing them into make up….popularity…boyfriends….fads….you be you. always just be you.
i love how you call dad and i “guys”..please don’t ever stop doing that. also, please don’t ever change your voicemail on our phone. when i listen to it….i tear up. knowing already how much you’ve grown since you recorded it last july.
spend as much time with your grandparents as you can. and when you are with them. spend quality time. get off your phone. ask them questions about their childhood. find out what makes them who they are. you won’t be sorry on this one. i promise you.
and i want you to remember always. that we will always be here for you. when you start driving and you run out of gas, we will be there. when your heart gets broken by a silly boy, we will be there. when you are in college and you get sick, we will be there. when you find that special person that makes you laugh and you are standing next to him sharing vows, we will be there. when you move into your first house and you can’t decide what color to paint the living room. we will be there. when you are home from the hospital and your baby won’t sleep, we will be there. when you walk your own baby into his/her kindergarten classroom, we will be there. today, tomorrow, always.