We are on the 3rd morning of 3rdnd grade and still….so many emotions are plowing thru my body….it’s hard for me to believe my little darling is a 3rd grader…..wow! a 3rd grader….because i work at home..i get so used to the comfort of knowing that she is always there…i can always hear her tippy toes walking from room to room….i can always feel those little hands tugging at me when i’m painting a frame….i can always see the snack drawer left haphazardly open and her 1/2 drank water cup sitting on the table…i avoid the pile of barbies in the hallway as i walk to our bedroom….and reclose the toothpaste cap as i walk passed…i know at 8-830 a little door will squeak open and and she will stroll out smiling and i know when noon rolls around a little voice will say to me “mommy, i’m hungry”
all of these things, i get used to…i rely on them to make up my day….now as i’m sitting here on the computer…there is no iCarly playing on t.v…..no coloring books scattered across the table….her little swimsuit is slung over our kitchen banner….and has been dry and unused for 3 days….school has begun! and after we walked her over on monday…i thought to myself…..really chantel…even in 3rd grade you get so emotional? but let me be honest…there is something about walking over to the playground and finding the door to line up at and giving hugs and kisses and feeling her hand leave yours to go stand in line with all her new classmates…..
she goes in….you head home….and your heart feels this empty spot…this wanting…..this need to know that she’ll be okay…..and she will be….because she always is…..and when you look back at her before you turn the corner…she glances at you with that brave smile and lifts her little hand to wave at you….silently saying “mom…i’m growing up…..i’ll be just fine….” ~and all the while you are hearing in your own heart “that’s the same little girl i used to hold at nighttime…the same little girl who cooed in her crib every morning…the same little girl that needed you for everything those first few years of life…the same little girl who will always be just that to me…..MY LITTLE GIRL……
and because we only have her…i feel like i only ever get one chance at all these milestones…..i only get one first “first steps“…only one “first words” only one “first day of third grade”….so in a way….every first sometimes feels like a last to me……and i think to myself….i am seriously…the luckiest mommy in the world that she is the one that i get to do “firsts and lasts” with….because everyday that she grows….my heart grows…and i’m not sure my heart is big enough to contain all the little pieces of love of have for her!